I was never under the impression that owning a business was going to be easy. I went into it knowing it was going to be tough so I wasn’t surprised when the tough times came. My wife and I did not even think about having kids until we were well into our 30’s and the business was coming up on its 10th year. In our minds, we had reached the point of stability we were aiming for and were ready to start a family and my wife could stay home and raise our son, Enzo. Now that is probably not the norm. Most people don’t wait until their late 30’s to have children. So for me the difficulty level in the beginning was much higher.
From a day-to-day perspective, the workload hasn’t changed drastically. It’s just a lot, always, and I’m accustomed to that. Client’s don’t require more now than they did last 3 years ago, ad accounts still need daily maintenance, the never ending stream of emails get worked, it’s a machine at this point. What has changed the most since Enzo came along, he’ll be 3 in September, is my ability to take my business owner hat off and put my dad hat on.
From 2013 to 2021, I had no issue at all working 10+ hours a day. I would go home, eat, catch up with Aimee, maybe watch a movie, but I would get back to work before shutting it down for the day. That worked for us, we both knew what we were building and that time now was being sacrificed for time later. Aimee has been an amazing partner and has supported me wholeheartedly from day one and without that level of support the years spent building the business would have been incredibly difficult. I certainly understand how it can break some people, it’s not easy to stay focused and push through tough times. Right around the second trimester, my work/life balance started to change. For the better!
I tend to be overly analytical so turning my mind off is very difficult. That would follow me home and prevent me from being “present.” There were definitely times Aimee would get frustrated with me for being not fully engaged. She could just tell there were other things going on in my head. Pregnancy is a time of change to put it lightly. Aimee needed my full attention and even helped prepare me mentally to be a fully engaged father once Enzo was born. Enzo came along and now when I walk through the door I am fully engrossed in what is happening at home. Even after Enzo goes to bed, Aimee and I make it a point to spend time with each other talking about our days, listening to how Enzo is developing, being a support for her while she makes our home and raises our son.
Here are five things I do that help me be present while I’m home:
- Read all emails before leaving for the day. Sounds simple but leaving with a cleared inbox can be difficult. Doing this pretty much ensure that anything that comes up after is getting handled tomorrow morning.
- Don’t check your emails once you get home. This is probably the most helpful way to leave work at the door. Get into the habit of leaving your phone in your pocket and not being so beholden to your device. Reduce the screen time and increase the time with your family.
- Have a plan for how tomorrow morning is going to work for you. As I’m leaving for the day and I’ve cleared my inbox, I’ll make a mental note of where I left off and what is the highest priority to start with the following day. This prevents me from feeling uneasy in the morning. Now that doesn’t always go to plan because there can be something in that inbox that completely blows your plan up but at least your family time in the morning is quality.
- Explore different schedules. We decided to move to 4/10s to give us an extra day with our families. This has been really great for us. We love having that extra day to be together. I usually need at least one of those days to do things around the house and yard so an extra day really comes in handy. It’s a much appreciated break for Aimee too. When I’m home I do my best to give her a break from cleaning up after Enzo, cooking, running errands, etc.
- Give yourself a break. Be nicer to yourself and recognize that what you’re doing is not easy. I have always been my biggest critic and I let it get in the way of recognizing achievement. This is actually something I’m still learning to be better at. I never even thought about “celebrating” the completion of a big project or hitting milestones for ad accounts. I would mention them to Aimee and she would be so surprised that I was nonplussed. Enzo helps me celebrate things. He’s at an age where he is learning to do things for the first time and celebrating those things, however small they are, is heartwarming.
Over the last 11 years, Kodeak has taught me so many things about myself but not nearly as much as starting a family. I need to be there for my clients and team but if I allow that to get in the way of being the best father and husband I can possibly be, all this effort is ultimately for nothing. It’s easy to delude yourself into thinking that starting your business means you own your time. You do not. Your clients own your time and your team owns your time, and your family owns your time. You’ll be surprised how little of your time you actually own after starting a business but finding the appropriate mix is crucial. If you’re not very deliberate about how you spend your time while at work you’re going to struggle to control your time away from work.
